Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
