good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
