i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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