You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
