you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
