Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
