somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
