I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
