fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
