tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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