I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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