So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
