my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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