My sheets look like a crime scene.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
