Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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