hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i think i just lost a toe
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
