I want to make a zoo with you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
