i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
