sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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