Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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