my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
