Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
