it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
