I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
