I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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