I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize