also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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