i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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