YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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