There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She said her name was "party"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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