I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
wow bdsm is so cute
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
