Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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