We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
