The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
