Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
