He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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