he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
