I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
