It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it was like eating out sand paper
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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