I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
