Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
