I think I died a long time ago.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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