jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think my moral compass just broke
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
