Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
