but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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