If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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