i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize