Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
