we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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