forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
