We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
