i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize