wat bout pragnant strippers??
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
