Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
