Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
