sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
