Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
