the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
