He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
