so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
