Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
