Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
