Where is the hickey?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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