If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
