I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
