I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
