"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
