I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize