Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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