if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
