Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
