oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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