I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
