God, you're like boner-b-gone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
