i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
