Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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