The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
